


The Price

by sailorkittycat



Category: Hemlock Grove
Genre: Dogs, Dom/sub, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, High School, Pet Play, Romance, Smut, wolf girl and black prince
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-28
Updated: 2018-08-10
Packaged: 2019-02-23 06:28:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 17,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13184286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sailorkittycat/pseuds/sailorkittycat
Summary: Ginger makes a deal with popular bad boy Roman, if he helps her up the social ladder by pretending to be her boyfriend then she’ll be his dog in return





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, I am a loser who watched an anime and thought ‘huh… this but with roman’. This fic is going to touch on pet play, dom/sub dynamics, and more. This is going to be a chapter fic, roughly around 10 chapters long (including the prologue) and I have no idea about how it’s going to be received so if you think its ok then please let me know!

The worst part of this entire situation was that it was my fault. I sat in the passenger seat of Roman’s car feeling my stomach somersault as I thought more and more about what I had just done. Roman’s voice droned in the background; he was telling me the rules that came with our agreement but I was barely listening, and instead had assigned myself to a pit of despair of my own making.  
“Dogs listen to their masters” Roman said, making me cringe at the terms he used so casually “so I suggest you pay attention when I’m talking. Or would you rather I tell everybody about our little deal?” I bit the inside of my cheeks, wanting nothing more than to tell him to fuck off but our arrangement was too delicate; too precious to risk me getting angry.  
“That’s better” he seemed pleased, though I turned away from him to stare out the window and instead looked at my sad reflection. I wondered if popularity was worth having to be Roman Godfrey’s dog, but it had been the one thing I was looking forward to about high school more than anything. Isn’t this what I wanted? Wasn’t I willing to do anything to get to where I wanted? I was relieved when I saw my house coming up; I wanted to escape this beautiful, vintage car and this beautiful, cruel boy and crawl into bed.  
“I’ll pick you up tomorrow morning so don’t be late, dog” he said “now get out.”  
“Gladly” I muttered, which earned me a hard stare from Roman but he didn’t say anything when I grabbed my bag and slammed his car door shut. It wasn’t much of a goodbye from the person who was meant to be my boyfriend, and I reflected on this fact bitterly as I kicked my shoes off at home and took the stairs two at a time, all so I could dump my bag on the floor and throw myself onto my unmade bed. I buried my face in my pillow and tried to ignore the near constant beeping of my phone, but it was relentless and I ended up checking the notifications. Roman had been very clear when he said that I needed to respond whenever he contacted me. I scrolled through the list of notifications, unsure of how to feel about them. None of them were from Roman which should have been a relief, but I was alarmed by the number of people who were texting me to ask if the rumours were true.  
Are you and Roman dating??  
I should have loved the attention, and a small part of me did, but the larger part of me was sickened by the impact of my decision. I tried to escape the feeling and do my history homework, but the words wiggled off the page and I found myself reading the same sentence for ten minutes before I put the book away, and told myself that I’d read the chapter tomorrow during my free period. It was a lie but lying was my greatest talent. Lying about Roman being my boyfriend was what got me into this mess. I thought about how my parents and teachers alike had warned me about lying getting you into situations you couldn’t get out of, and I wished that I had listened but the damage was done. I was going to be popular but I was going to pay the price for it by being Roman Godfrey’s dog.


	2. The Beginning of the End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ginger and Roman debut their relationship but in reality Ginger isn't used to being at someone's beck and call, and Roman likes to wind her up a lot

I was quietly relieved that Roman picked me up the next morning because it was officially rain season in Hemlock Grove, and I wasn’t keen on taking the bus in such weather. The raindrops were falling thick and fast outside, and I struggled with my umbrella for several seconds before it finally yielded to me.  
“Morning Roman” I said, trying to sound cheery though I chastised myself right after.  
“What are you wearing?” His eyes narrowed “you’re not allowed to wear jeans.”  
“I’m what?”  
“If I have to be in this fake relationship then you have to act the part. I want my girlfriend to look good.” I huffed angrily, looking down at my semi wet jeans that had cost me three months of saved up pay checks to afford.  
“Skirts or dresses only” he continued “you really weren’t listening yesterday were you? I’m going to have to start being stricter with your training, dog.” I was lost for words and ended up saying nothing in response which suited him fine. I instead watched the raindrops run down his window, tracing their paths with my eyes as I sulked.  
The rain didn’t let up even when we arrived at school. The clouds were still huddled over Hemlock Grove; miserable and grey in colour. It was the kind of day where the rain wouldn’t stop, it would just have lighter or heavier periods. Everything would be damp, even the air which would play havoc with my hair. I reached for the door handle and shivered at the feeling of cold metal.  
“Wait” Roman said sharply, making me flinch as though scalded. I waited and watched in confusion as he exited the car on his side, and opened his umbrella up, walking over to the passenger side to open up my door for me. I was caught off guard by the action. It was surprisingly chivalrous for someone who didn’t seem to care at all for romance.  
“Thanks” I said, wondering if he was going to let up on being such a dick.  
“Hurry up dog, these shoes are Italian leather” he said in response, frowning as I stumbled out of the car. So much for being nice. I stood close to him, trying to match his rhythm of walking as we walked into school. He closed the umbrella and promptly put his arm around me, and the foreign feeling made my skin break out in goosebumps.  
“What’re you doing?” I asked, feeling my muscles stiffen at his touch.  
“If I’m going to have a girlfriend I’m going to touch her” my face must have been a sight because he rolled his eyes “not like that. I wouldn’t fuck you.” Although I hadn’t planned on our relationship extending that far I still felt my cheeks heat up from the embarrassment and rejection.  
“You’d stick your dick in anything, Roman” I said venomously “you fucked Chrissy Turner even though she’s got shit for brains.”  
“I didn’t fuck her for her brains. Not that it’s any of your business” he said simply, though I thought I saw a smile cross his lips “now come on, I’ve got to stop by my locker.” He dragged me to the metal lockers that were down the hall from my own.  
“Can I go to mine real quick?”  
“No.”  
“No? Why not?”  
Roman sighed audibly “dogs don’t question their masters like this.”  
“Dogs can’t even talk.”  
Roman fixed me with a pointed stare “exactly. You should be grateful that I don’t have you barking.” I should have known by now that Roman was neither kind nor pliant, but it seemed ridiculous to not let me do something so small and insignificant. I opened my mouth to complain more but was interrupted by Roman handing me his Biology textbook; it was a thick volume that was required of every student who attended Hemlock High despite its actual lack of use. It was outdated and written in a style so foreign to modern day English that you had to rely on the translations prior students had made to decipher anything. He passed me Wuthering Heights, and his French dictionary too. My arms ached from having to hold his books and the bemused expression on his face only annoyed me more.  
“Do you have to be like this?” I whined as he added two more items to the stack.  
“Ah, there it is” he pulled a single, broken HB pencil “you can put those back in now.”  
“Are you serious?”  
“As serious as the trouble you’re going to be in if you don’t do what I say.” He folded his arms, tapping his index finger against his forearm as if to say I’m waiting and though I was tempted to dump his things on the floor I instead threw them into his locker gracelessly.  
“Being like this is only going to get you into trouble” he warned, but he broke off from being mean and instead leaned against the lockers with one arm, towering over me. I raised an eyebrow in surprise but the sight of Ashley Valentine, the most popular girl in school, stopped me from commenting further.  
“Hey Roman, and its Ginger right?” She asked, her lips were painted the same shade of red as her blouse which sat snug against her chest, as both I and Roman observed.  
“Yes, that’s me” I said, trying to sound enthusiastic but not too chirpy. Judging by Roman’s expression I didn’t succeed.  
“I heard you two are dating now.”  
“Oh, um, yeah it’s new though” I said and looked up at Roman who smiled in response. I tried to recall if I had ever seen Roman smile and besides serving as an accompaniment to his smart ass comments in class I couldn’t think of another incident where I’d seen his lips curve upwards like that. His hand that had been leaning on the locker moved down to brush over my hair, as though he were petting me, and then rested on my shoulder comfortably.  
“I think it’s high time Roman Godfrey found someone” Ashley said approvingly, hugging her books to her chest “maybe I’ll see you two at lunch?” She waved us goodbye and I tried to contain my excitement.  
“She knew my name!” I felt like my heart was going to hammer itself out of my ribs, and I grinned even when Roman rolled his eyes at me. I was excited by the prospect of finally being noticed after years of being ignored, and in my triumphant mood I refused to wipe the wide smile off of my face.  
“You’re ridiculous” Roman said flatly as he accompanied me to my locker. I hummed contently as I exchanged my books from bag to locker, only to yelp when Roman snatched one out of my hands.  
“Roman!” I whined “I have Chemistry next!” I tried to grab it back but he was much taller than me and seemed to take great pleasure in holding it above my head. I attempted to jump up but to no avail, it only made Roman laugh.  
“Do you know how good dogs receive treats? They wait.”  
I decided to play along seeing as getting in trouble with Mrs Muir wasn’t worth it, and waited patiently for Roman to bring down my book which he only did after flipping through it and reading the back cover extensively. He held it above my open palms and quirked an eyebrow, earning him a begrudging thank you from me to receive my book back.  
“You can’t go around wagging your tail for everyone like that” he said, his hands in his pockets as he walked me to class.  
“I do not!” He looked at me with an expression that countered me “okay, fine, but who am I meant to wag my tail for then?”  
“Me” he said “have a good time in class.” His appearance at the door of the lab earned some interest from my classmates, and even Mrs Muir who looked disgruntled as ever at the sight of it. It was a well-known fact that she hated Roman after she found him trying to make speed with the classroom chemicals. He had been suspended for a week after that, not that he cared much for school. I had never known Roman to be academically inclined, and he was more often found smoking in secret corners of the school than actually in class. I contemplated on this, and relied heavily on my lab partner to catch me up on titrations seeing as Roman had occupied my thoughts for the duration of the lesson.  
By second period I had gotten into the humdrum routine of classes and note taking, only to have this flow interrupted by a text from Roman asking me to, quote, ‘fetch him coffee’ and then his location. Annoyed, I got up to go do what he said, only to be met with several more texts throughout the day demanding things. The worst part was each time I’d give him what he desired he would wave me off like a gnat. I felt the anger bubble away inside me, simmering throughout my final period, only to boil and overflow at the sight of him outside the classroom.  
“Why’s your face like that?” He asked, unamused by my scowl.  
“What was with today and making me fetch everything?”  
“Dogs fetch” he said lightly “now come on, I want to get home before the weather gets any worst.”


	3. Rifts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ginger and Roman continue to not get on despite their deal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A short but kind of necessary chapter. The kids are not alright and they're certainly not getting along right now :(

The rest of the week was as miserable as the weather outside, and the days dragged on to the sound of the rain hammering against the windows outside. I was constantly cold because of Roman’s ridiculous rule to always wear skirts, and infuriated when his only advice was to ‘get better skirts’. I sat dejected in French, one of the only lessons I liked, mumbling the vocabulary as I watched the clock move at a snail’s pace. Roman had ruined me with his stupid dog routine, and now I was paying the price by feeling my heart jolt every time I heard the slightest sound, thinking it was my phone beeping with another request from Roman. I tried my best to perk up. I had gotten an A on my French paper, and earlier in the day Ashley had asked for my phone number which had been probably the most eventful thing to ever happen to me. Of course, knowing how annoyed Roman got when I got excited, I had to tone down my happiness but I could still see him watching me in the corner of his eye, judging me silently.

“Don’t you want to jump up and down knowing you got her number?” He teased.

“No” I said “I’m perfectly able to control my feelings.” He didn’t seem convinced.

“Look, it’s Ashely!”

“Where?!” I turned to see nobody there and turned back to a very amused Roman “ha ha, very funny” I said flatly.

“You’re such a dumb dog” he said, rolling his eyes playfully “I’ll see you after class, don’t cream yourself if you see anyone who looks remotely like Ashley.”

I could have slapped him there and then, but knowing how sick he was he’d probably love that. Instead I filed into French with my other classmates and contemplated breaking up with Roman. I couldn’t understand what he got out of being so mean to me. Besides the name calling which consisted of dog, dumb dog, bad dog, and on one occasion mutt, there was the constant fetching. If it wasn’t coffee he wanted it was cigarettes, and I lived in fear of a joke he had made about making me fetch him drugs.

“Drug dog” he had dubbed me “or what about coke dog?” I rejected both.

“I’d rather fetch sticks” I said, and it was one of the worst things that had left my lips because he purposely drove us to Hemlock Woods to do just that. I felt stupid running back and forth to return sticks to him, feeling disgusted at the feeling of wet wood on my fingers.

“You’ve ruined my shoes” I said, looking down at mud that caked them.

“Dogs love getting dirty” he said and then threw another stick so far that it took me a whole fifteen minutes to find it.

He wasn’t too happy about it either “you could’ve just picked up any stick, you dumb dog.”

The words echoed in my head, sinking down into the pit of my stomach as I thought about having to sit in a forgotten corner and give him half of my sandwich for lunch. I packed up my things slowly, sluggishly moving towards the door only to flinch when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned immediately, not feeling up to facing Roman again.

“Oh” I blinked “hey Theo” it felt foreign to speak to a guy who wasn’t Roman.

“You dropped this” he passed me a pen, one that I had loaned Roman only to have him make me beg for it back. He had made me get on my knees and pout and whine to have my black biro back. He seemed adamant to humiliate me, and had taken great pleasure in seeing me repeat ‘please, please, please Roman’ over and over again like a broken record player.

“Only because you beg so prettily for me, dog” he had said, gifting my own pen back to me again.

“You’re fucked up” I said, and as a result he made me spin around three times in the middle of the corridor and bark loudly for him whenever he said. He asked thirteen times, once for every letter that dared leave my lips. Needless to say it earned me a lot of attention from my peers, and not much of it good.

“Thanks.”

“Can I ask you something? Are you really dating that dick Godfrey?” Theo asked plainly and I was caught between agreeing and defending my so called boyfriend. Theo tucked his hands into the pockets of his blue and red hoodie, a souvenir he had bagged when he visited his brother up at Penn State.

“He’s… different I know, but deep down he’s actually quite, er…” I tried to think of the right word that might cast Roman in a more favourable light. Sweet was too sugary, and nice was too bland.

“caring” I settled with though it didn’t really fit “in his own way” I made sure to add quickly. I couldn’t think of an instance where Roman had ever cared for me, but on rare occasions I saw him speaking to his sister and he seemed to be a whole new person. Softer and kinder than usual. Theo didn’t look convinced and when we rounded the corner and I saw Roman sitting on the bannister, back against the wall, Theo looked even less certain of my claims.

“Hey, you packing cheese or ham today?” Roman asked, completely ignoring Theo who was still hovering nearby.

“Ham.”

“I guess it’ll do.” I would have normally fought him on this but I was tired and just let it go, following behind him obediently. I looked back to wave Theo goodbye but he was frowning as though he were lost in thought, and this distraction made me barrel face first into Roman’s back which was surprisingly firm for someone who detested gym.

“Watch where you’re going, clumsy dog” he chided while I frowned. I didn’t say anything but I could feel the words on my tongue, ready to rip into him like wolf’s teeth. I kept my mouth shut however, not up to another fight. It seemed like all Roman and I did was argue, and then he’d make me do something humiliating and I’d have no choice but to grin and bear it. I was starting to tire of this routine. Even when I hung out with Ashley, I had to pretend that having Roman next to me, with his arm around me was perfectly normal. Last time I had spoken to Ashley she had suggested a double date and before I could agree Roman (who’s hand rested lightly on my waist) pinched me quickly, effectively shutting me up.

“I’m sure Ginger would love that but I actually had something planned that night” Roman lied smoothly, so much so that I honestly thought that he might have done something special. Instead I spent the evening inside listening to ‘Time after time’ and wishing that I was in a regular relationship where the guy wouldn’t treat me like a dog, and would just cheat on me or something.

Roman and I sat in silence, eating half a ham sandwich each while we watched the rain. I didn’t mind Roman when he was quiet, it was easy to sit comfortably with him in those moments. His eyes weren’t narrowed in annoyance, or harsh with judgement, instead he’d look content. Usually at these times I’d be content too, but the silence only made my stomach churn, and I put down my sandwich after only a couple of bites. I couldn’t finish it, the constant questions made me feel nauseated. It had gotten so bad that later that night I’d try praying for the first time. I quickly learned that praying was less satisfying than it was made out to be and went to sleep feeling unfulfilled.

“Roman, is what we’re doing right?”

He quirked an eyebrow “define right.”

“Like, does it make sense to be in a relationship for popularity? I mean, I just feel like we’re not getting anywhere.”

Roman frowned, licking butter off of his fingers “you have Ashley’s number, what else do you want? For her to French braid your hair and talk to you about her period?” he scoffed at the thought.

“Girls don’t sit around and talk about their periods” I said, which was false but I didn’t want to give Roman the satisfaction and besides, the way he had said it made it sound juvenile. As though we were still thirteen.

“I don’t care what girls talk about” he muttered “you’re the one who came up with this stupid plan.”

For a moment I didn’t know what to say “I know but-“

“But what?” Roman spat “don’t act like you’re suddenly too good for this” he leaned in so that his nose was almost touching mine “don’t pretend like you’re nothing but a desperate attention whore.” I bit the inside of my cheeks to stop the tears that filled my eyes from spilling down my face, and instead dropped my gaze to look at the crumbs that littered my clothes. He walked away after that, and I sat hugging my knees that were tucked under my chin trying to not make a sound. I failed. Thick tears wet my cheeks, and I blotted them clumsily with the back of my hand.

When I stood up my legs felt unstable like a new born deer, and I kept my head down as I calmly rushed to find the nearest bathroom to fix my face. I ended up shoving past people, and at one point, completely colliding in with someone so that all my eyes could see the crimson and navy of their clothes.

“Sorry” I said hurriedly, not bothering to check who it was. I entered swiftly, locking myself in a cubicle to have a private two-minute cry to the sound of water, and hand driers, and gossip. I dabbed at my eyes, pulling out a compact mirror to assess the damage. My eyes were red, and my face had gone from being plain brown to being blotchy, as though I were a hue that only a kindergartener could come up with. I felt like a mess and desperately wanted to stay isolated in the cubicle until school ended but impatient toe tapping meant I couldn’t, and instead I took several large breaths and pushed Roman and his cutting remarks to the back of mind.


	4. Reconciliation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Ginger and Roman don’t speak until their relationship is put to the test

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, an update! Also writing is hard and trying to move on characterisation is hard and trying to show different sides of characters is hard but practise makes perfect

The day had started off quietly. I had sulked all weekend and the sight of Roman pulling up in his stupid, fancy car didn’t stop me from continuing the silent treatment. I thought he’d maybe call or text at the very least to say sorry; maybe even turn up to the ice cream shop I worked in to tell me in person that he wanted to apologise but instead I heard nothing. The next I saw of him was his car pulling up outside my house, and I dodged the questions from my nosey mother who had been desperate for details on this mystery boy and his beautiful car. I continued sulking all the way to school which didn’t mean anything to him because he kept quiet too. It only irritated me more. I went to History feeling too angry to concentrate, and instead doodled in my notebook. The only thing I could really draw were wolves, after an angsty pre-teenhood of being obsessed with Twilight. The results were scratchy pictures of angry wolves, baring their teeth and howling at a non-existent moon.

I felt listless all day; unable to stop my stomach from churning and my mind from wandering as I sat in class, effectively sleeping with my eyes open. When lunch drew nearer I wondered if I should seek Roman out, but I was still nursing my wounded pride and instead started walking briskly to nowhere in particular. I wasn’t sure if it was my conceited imagination or actual fact, but I felt like everyone’s eyes were on me. Whispers brushed past me and made me feel uneasy because I couldn’t tell if they were real or if I was paranoid. I ended up escaping into the library and disappeared into an aisle to stare at some books and try to calm down.

Someone cleared their throat near me and I looked up to see Theo standing there in the same hoodie he was wearing yesterday “you okay?”

“What? Yeah, I’m fine” I gibbered unconvincingly, I brushed a hand through my hair to look more normal but Theo didn’t seem convinced.

“It’s okay if you’re not” he said softly “I saw you yesterday, y’know, crying. You ran into me.”

I felt mortified “Sorry, it’s uh, just stuff. Stupid stuff.”

“Godfrey stuff?” I tried to look nonchalant and shrugged, refusing to look Theo in the eyes even though he was being really nice right now. I wondered what it would be like to have Roman being the same; soft and caring but quickly abandoned the thought when I caught myself.

“I don’t really want to talk about it here” I said, feeling acutely aware of how quiet it was and unsure if Theo was even the person I should be confiding in. I wasn’t friends with Theo but I’d known him for pretty much my entire academic life, which was sort of comforting considering I didn’t have any real friends.

We ended up walking outside and avoiding the newly formed puddles. The parking lot was pretty vacant, save for a few people who were only here to avoid the scrutiny of the teachers and have a smoke break. I coughed, still not used to the burning smell, and watched Theo stick his hands in his pockets.

“They say the weather is going to get better” he offered, and when it didn’t elicit a response from me he sighed “you don’t have to pretend with me okay?”

“Pretend what?” I felt my heart thump, almost painfully, against my ribs as I fizzled with anticipation of what he was going to say. Would he confess that he had feelings for me? That I could let my guard down with him the way I couldn’t with Roman? Was it bad to want that?

“You and Godfrey. I know you’re not really dating.”

I swallowed nervously but tried to look neutral even though my face felt hot “why do you say that?”

Theo shrugged “He doesn’t date anyone and honestly? You’re not… special enough to get his attention, let alone keep it.”

“Wait, what?”

“That came out wrong” Theo said and rubbed his eyes while I stood statue still, feeling more and more upset “I just mean, like, why would he date you?” He gestured at me and I tried my best to keep my feelings down my throat, but Theo’s comments only clicked into place with Roman’s like a cruel jigsaw puzzle.

_“don’t pretend like you’re nothing but a desperate attention whore.”_

“Is this what I look like to everyone?” I said, my voice cracking as the emotions swelled inside of me. Theo’s figure became blurred as the tears filled my eyes and I blotted them quickly with the back of my hand and sniffed. I felt ugly and exposed. Theo touched my shoulder and I shook him off, half way between being angry and sad.

“Oh jeez, Ginger, I’m sorry but it’s just the truth isn’t it?” Theo said “the relationship is fake isn’t it? I don’t know if Roman has something on you or whatever, but you don’t have to sell yourself out for him like this.” I felt speechless though later I would think of a hundred things to say back, and instead trembled like a fragile leaf in autumn. I closed my eyes, tears squeezing themselves out of my eyelids as he continued “you only look pathetic to everyone now, but if you left him and kept your head down instead then maybe people would actually like you an-“ I snapped my eyes open when Theo’s talking was cut off with the sound of his cry.

I stared wide eyed as Theo’s lip was coloured crimson with his blood, and Roman’s knuckle was stained the same hue of red. For the second time that day I wasn’t able to say anything; I tried to approach Theo but he only backed away, looking more bewildered than anything.

“Roman?” I kept trying to form a sentence but I was so shocked that no word other than his name escaped my lips. He put his arm around me, gripping me so tightly that I understood it as his silent command to keep quiet.

“What the fuck, Godfrey?” Theo had recovered from his state of shock, but his lip was still bleeding profusely and he had to use the sleeve of his hoodie to try and soak it up. It was not a pretty sight.

“That’s my girl you’re making cry” Roman seethed “you stay away from her, asshole” his jaw was tense as he spoke, and his lips curled back in a snarl. He turned around, forcing me to turn with him and his grip didn’t let up even when we were out of Theo’s sight. He pulled me with him into one of his small, secret corners where he let me go finally.

I watched Roman light a cigarette. He offered it to me but I declined “you know I don’t smoke.”

“It’ll help.”

I hesitated and then took it gingerly between my fingers, ghosting my lips over it and taking a breath only to cough and splutter it out seconds later. Roman’s lips tugged at one end; obviously amused by my loss of my smoking virginity. He took it back, showing off by blowing a ring.

“What was that?”

“What was I meant to do? He was making you cry.”

I frowned “you made me cry too, why don’t you punch yourself in the face?”

“Careful dog” Roman warned “I’m your owner, I get to speak to you how I like and other people don’t… But” he exhaled a cloud of smoke “maybe I was a little harsh.”

“Are you apologising?” I couldn’t help but smile; excited by this half victory that I was getting after a dismal day. The sunlight was sharp after days of clouds and Roman squinted as the rays hit his face.

“Don’t get used to it” he said, sitting on the floor to escape the sun, though the light still managed to find him and illuminate the back of his head. I joined him on the floor, holding my breath when my knee touched his but he didn’t seem to care.

“Well thanks for standing up for me.”

“You should learn to stand up for yourself, you worry too much about what other people think about you.”

“You could just say you’re welcome.”

“Dogs don’t tell their masters what to do” he said, but he let his hand stroke over my hair, an action he only did when other people were around. I thought maybe this was the turning over of a new leaf but then Roman, as per usual, ruined it by tugging my hair, not hard enough to really hurt but enough to make me wince ‘ow!’. He only smirked in response and I took back my claim. Maybe he wouldn’t change that much, but something had shifted, even if I couldn’t quite name it.


	5. Indulgence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The upcoming winter formal (the snow ball) has Ginger excited and Roman... not quite so excited

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow we're already half way through this fic and something sweet and dare I say... romantic might be brewing?

The cold was beginning to settle in now, and the promise of winter snow was a whisper away, but I was excited for the holidays, and even more enthusiastic when my eye caught sight of the annual banners and posters that lined the corridors that morning. Roman, of course, didn't notice anything and while at one time I may have just put it down to him being blind, I now knew that he had read the words just as I had. He kept quiet only to test me; to see how long I could go, but I knew his tricks now and I refused to give in. I didn't mention it which I knew surprised him because his eyebrow quirked when I was speaking.

"There's something different about you" he said, narrowing his eyes.

I shrugged "I don't know what you're talking about" I lied and before he could say anything back I interrupted him, promising to see him at lunch. He seemed displeased, either by the fact that I had hindered him from speaking or because it was the day of the week that we would sit and eat lunch with Ashley. Needless to say, Roman didn't particularly like Ashley or any of her friends. I couldn't understand why, they were all pretty and relatively pleasant. They took some getting used to, it was true, they had a certain look in their eyes that never failed to make me nervous, as though they were judging every word you said. Most of the time I would ignore it and put it down to paranoia, but in a weak moment I had tried to ask Roman about it.

"It's because they are judging you" he said casually in response. It wasn't the answer I was looking for but it was the one that would occasionally keep me up at night. 

His words haunted me at lunch later that day as I sat alone with Ashley and her clique; anxiously waiting for Roman to get out of History so that he could join me. He was a sort of security blanket that I could shield myself with; someone who could take the heat of everyone's gaze when I couldn't. 

"I'm thinking of wearing blue, like, ice blue" Ashley said, earning a round of approving murmurs. The others piped up with their colour and style choices, and I noticed that they all seemed to compliment Ashley's decision. If Roman had been there he would have rolled his eyes and whispered "sheep" in my ear. 

"What are you thinking of wearing to the Snow Ball?" Ashley asked, including me in the conversation I felt so isolated from.

"Um, I'm not sure. I'll have to ask Roman." I felt my face grow hot from how normal it was to consider Roman when deliberating. 

"You'll have to ask him?" Ashley repeated. She sounded repulsed by the idea. I felt everyone's stare and wished I hadn't said anything, but did my best to look and sound casual.

"Roman has good taste" I said "and I like to look nice for him." Perhaps the last comment was an extension of the truth; I only really dressed as I did because it was one of the rules he had laid out for me. 

"That's kinda cute I guess" she said, and moved the conversation onto her own boyfriend who apparently never cared what she wore unless it was see through. She rolled her eyes playfully, and just like that the tension had diffused and everyone seemed content again. 

I was happier when Roman joined us, even though he stole more than half of my fries. He listened to Ashley gush about the Snow Ball for a few seconds before I saw disinterest set into his eyes. She always tried to gain his attention but always failed to receive it. I was never sure whether to feel jealous, amused, or sorry for her when it happened. It was strange to see the girl I had spent shameless hours daydreaming about being friends with in such a vulnerable position.

"So Roman" Ashley have changed her tactic to addressing him directly "what colour dress is Ginger going to wear?"

Roman shrugged "I don't know, I'd have to think about it."

"So much for your 'good taste'" Rachel, another of the girls said and I felt myself physically squirm.

"My 'good taste'?"

"Ginger said you have good taste; that she likes to look good for you" she said, and I felt the embarrassment flutter around in my stomach again, making it churn and somersault the more Rachel spoke. 

Even though it was the perfect breeding ground for taunts and teasing Roman didn't give in the way Rachel did. He put his arm around me like he usually did; letting his finger caress along my jawline which was a habit he had recently developed.

"That's my girl" he said and even though I knew his pride was artificial, I couldn't help but feel the same warmth in my chest I felt when he had stood up for me. I peeped up through my lashes at him, hoping to be able to glance at him without rousing his attention but he managed to catch me looking at him. I resolved to not look at him for the rest of the lunch hour, but this resolution was broken when Ashley grew bored of talking to a deadpan Roman, she turned her attention to the rest of her pose and let us be.

"Did you really say I have good taste?" Roman asked quietly.

"Yeah, so what?" I said, sipping at my water in an attempt to cool my body down.

"Nothing, just good to know your eyes work." I frowned at him "stop that" he said, touching the crease in my forehead. My muscles relaxed automatically at his touch and he leaned in so that his lips brushed the shell of my ear.

"You're being such a good dog right now, don't ruin it." I swallowed even though I had nothing in my mouth. My head felt dizzy so I leaned it against Roman and he didn't move for the duration of the lunch hour. 

By the time school had ended, the sun was already beginning to set. It was one of the many drawbacks of winter, along with the cold weather which Hemlock Grove was accustomed to. Still, Roman's new route home which was a little longer than the roads he used in the morning, was always a pretty sight. The trees were shedding their final leaves, and despite the starkness of the landscape there was something exciting about seeing the first frost settle in small slivers along the branches. 

"So I got tickets" Roman said, clearing his throat. He didn't often speak during our drives but lately he had begun small conversations.

"Tickets?"

"To the winter formal" he said, before conceding "the snow ball, I hate that name." 

"How can you hate something so genius?"

"You're too easily impressed, puppy" he said and my heart somersaulted in my chest at the new variation he offered. Puppy. It was softer than dog; certainly, preferable to being called 'dog'. I savored the new name, letting it melt like sugar on my tongue. I tried not to let it be known though, not wanting Roman to stop calling me that but he had a half smile on his lips that told otherwise. 

"Thank you" I said when he pulled up outside my house "for the tickets" I added.

Roman smiled devilishly "thank me when you see the dress I'll have picked." 

***

I spent the night texting Ashley and her friends on the group chat I had been allowed onto. It was usually a mixture of mean girl's quotes, gossip, pictures of shoes, and the occasional algebra question, but tonight was dominated by the topic of the Snow Ball. I was flooded with pictures of dresses and dates for trying on dresses, only to be excluded from coming since my own admission that Roman would be my stylist for the night. I wanted to push for an invitation but bit my tongue and held my fingers off, not wanting to incur some kind of friendship fine. I was calmer when the conversation moved onto the newly coined 'promposal' and what everyone's respective boyfriends had done. It was when I was asked how Roman had popped the question that I had to admit that he hadn't. I was met with sugary sympathy and I hung back from further discussions to text Roman. 

_Do you know what_ _promposals_ _are?_

I waited patiently, unsure if Roman would even text back seeing as we usually didn't talk unless it was face to face. 

_Yes_

_Are you going to do one for me?_ I chewed my lip anxiously as the three dots signifying his impending reply came on screen. It was a long shot, but Roman's near affection gave me quiet hope.

 _Don't hold your breath, dog_ His answer, for some inexplicable reason, made me lose all interest in my phone and I cast it to the side instead. It may have been early but I switched off the lights and pulled the blankets above my head. Perhaps I was being childish but the ache in my chest begged to differ.

The feeling remained even the next day, and it was akin to a weight on my chest. Roman noticed and even asked if I was okay, but I lied through my teeth and said I was fine. He wasn't convinced I don't think, but he didn't ask any further questions. I began to wonder if I had made up any affinity between him and I, and spent my day sulking in class even though Mr. Khalife had openly praised me on my French composition. 

"Are you ever going to tell me what's wrong?" Roman grumbled on the drive home; he was clearly annoyed that I wouldn’t give up my sad puppy dog routine and confess, but I knew that he wouldn't find my grievances over my lack of a promposal affecting in any way, shape, or form so I left it. 

"You're going to think it's dumb."

"The only thing I think is dumb is all that pouting" he was driving by the edge of the forest on our usual way home, but I was surprised when he pulled up into the forest instead. He didn't move. The only sound was the wind whipping against the car's exterior and his breathing. I began to worry that he really was annoyed, especially when he turned to me with a look in his eyes that I didn't recognise. 

"Are you okay?" I asked, immediately acknowledging the double standard. It didn't matter because he ignored my question and instead stared me dead in the eyes.

"Ginger" he said, his voice coming out softer than I thought it would "as my fake girlfriend and pet dog, would you indulge this stupid tradition, and come with me to the... Snow Ball." The last part came out in a grimace, but I didn't care and without thinking undid my seatbelt to throw my arms around Roman's neck – something he didn't expect.

"Yes, yes, yes!" 

He didn't shake me off right away but when I wouldn't let go he had to detach me from him "okay, enough of that dog" he said and pushed me off of him. He looked exasperated when he saw my pout reappear. 

"If you don't stop that I'll take back my promposal and you can spend the night licking my shoes clean instead." He threatened.

"No, please! I'll be good." I said, sitting up straight with my hands on my lap, doing my best to school my face into something more neutral, but I failed to hide my excitement and caught Roman not looking too miserable either.  


	6. The Snow Ball

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Snow Ball holds the opportunity for a change of heart

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. I'm SO sorry this took so long. If I might plead my case: I just started a new job and trying to find the balance between working and studying again has been hard so my fanfic has had to take one of the team and sit on the bench for a while. Also I've been feeling hella sad and unmotivated because my brain is just like that.  
> 2\. I'm excited because it's a turning point in the fic  
> 3\. Please gift me that sweet, sweet kudos and a comment if you're excited too  
> 4\. I hope the next update won't take so long BUT it's getting to that time of year when I have to do stuff like write and edit a bunch of essays, pick a dissertation topic, pick my modules for next year... THAT BEING SAID if you don't live in the UK there's been a lot of strikes going on at universities (including mine) so I might have a little more time to write but I don't want to make any promises  
> 5\. if you can't love yourself then how in the hell can anyone else love you, can I get an amen up in here?

To say I was worried about what Roman had picked out for me to wear was an understatement. I had repeatedly begged him to reveal the tinniest detail of the dress to me, but my constant questioning hadn't worn him down so much as irritate him.

"If you can't be patient then I'll just return it" he said coolly, and so I kept my mouth shut and my questions purely to myself. I had begun to wonder if I had pushed Roman enough for him to present me with something humiliating to wear, and it had ended up leading me to have a strange, hyper realistic nightmare about being made to wear a dog onesie to the Snow Ball.

"You look worried" he said, so I told him about my dream which to his credit he listened to in full. Of course, he laughed and called it ridiculous right after which didn't help calm my nerves. He spent the rest of the day sending me endless pictures of dog onesies, and I had to mask my annoyed face in class as I put up with Roman making me pick between a Pluto onesie, a Dalmatian onesie, or a pug onesie.

I like this one the best I think he wrote and sent a picture of a corgi onesie.

You two have the same eyes he added, and I zoomed into the eyes while Mrs. Brayburn was turned towards the white board, feeling offended that the large, manic fabric eyes were in any way akin to my own.

Weird, I was going to say you two share the same nose I texted back, feeling pleased with myself for burning Roman, though really it wasn't much of an insult. I remembered back to last year when I overheard (eavesdropped) on Ashley trying to impress Roman by 'reading his face'.

"Noses such as your own mean that you're good in leadership roles; that you like telling people what to do" she had said, hoping to engage him in a conversation and flatter him all at once. It didn't work.

"Funny, I was just about to tell you to go away."

Everybody knows it's my lips that you make fun of. 2/10 your insult game needs major work if you want to wound my ego

For some reason the two responses connected in my mind and I wasn't sure why or what to do with the information. Roman was mean. He was a privileged, white, arrogant boy who had never been denied anything. I knew this; everybody in Hemlock Grove knew this and hated him for it. Yet, I sometimes found myself having fun with him, and at times I was certain that he was having fun too. Roman didn't have many friends, save for his cousin and Peter, so why did he keep rejecting people when they clearly wanted to be his friend? Did he think himself superior? Too good to be friends with the peasants? Was he afraid of having people close to him? I wanted to ask him but it seemed like an intimate question, and I existed in a strange liminal space where I was neither Roman's confidant nor a stranger. I wasn't sure what to class myself as, or how to define the relationship and I was sure Roman neither knew nor cared. I let it go; perking up when I saw him smoking in his car.

"You're late" he accused flatly when I click my seatbelt in "here" he thrust the dress carrier into my hands. I let it lie on me, and was about to open it when Roman interrupted "where were you?"

"I was talking to a teacher."

"About what?"

Odd. Roman usually didn't care for details like this. I shrugged "about my French grade. Mr K thinks I should consider doing it at college."

Roman seemed thoughtful "French... Maybe I ought to call you Poodle for fun." He was teasing; more playful than I would have thought he was months ago.

"Poodles are also a German breed of dog. Maybe I ought to call you Poodle." A challenge, but one he knew was a joke.

"Latching off of my jokes now are we? I tell you puppy, we really have to work on your insults, you're no bark and no bite" he shook his head and mock sighed "being cute won't get you by in this big, bad world."

"You think I'm cute?" I cast a sideways glance towards him but to my surprise I saw the flash of a smile.

"Only when you're quiet, and when it's dark outside-"

"Ha ha" I rolled my eyes.

"Oh, and I need to be squinting a little, but when those conditions are met then yeah, you're cute."

"You're mean."

"If I'm so mean then why do I have something pretty for my dog to wear?" He tapped the dress carrier I had been holding onto and I conceded.

"Can I look at it yet?"

"No. Wait until you're home, I don't want to see it again until you're in it tonight." It seemed a strange request considering that prom dresses weren't usually the ones that needed to hidden, but I indulged him. He pulled up outside my house and warned me that he was going to be here at seven o'clock sharp and he expected me to be ready. He waited until I reached my front door, probably to make sure I wasn't breaking his command, and only drove off when I opened the front door.

Upstairs I cast my bag on the floor and draped the dress on top of my bed. My fingers stumbled at the zipper, I was nervous. The Snowball was the social event of the year and it would be so easy for Roman to ruin it by picking something embarrassing to wear. The material eyes of the corgi onesie haunted me but I pushed myself to do it.

The first thing I saw was red.

Roman had clearly caught wind of Ashley et al's plans of dressing in wintery tones – ice blue, aurora borealis greens and violets, and instead went in the opposite direction. At first I was appalled, but I quickly came around as I felt the ox blood velvet against my fingertips. It felt luxurious and expensive, and it would only be later when I had endured enough of my mother's picture taking that I would ask Roman why he had picked velvet.

"So you'd be soft. Like a puppy." He said mischievously "do you like it?"

"I love it" I said, and I held my tongue from making any further comments because Roman seemed proud and I didn't want to ruin it.

"You look good in it" he said, and I lapped up the compliment.

"You look good" I insisted in response, but there was really no need to tell him.

"I know" he said, he was in a dark suit with his hair combed back and a tie the same shade of my dress on. Upon further inspection I found Roman's suit to also be velvet; a perfect match.

The venue was loud, but the prom committee which was naturally made up of Ashley and her friends had done a wonderful job. The room was flooded with warm light, with a few streams of blue light alongside it. Delicate, glitter snowflakes decorated much of the space and large paper stars filled with fairy lights hung from the ceiling.

"Maybe it was best that I wasn’t allowed on the committee" I murmured to Roman, who didn't seem to share my sentiment.

"They didn't let you on the committee?"

"No, they said it was too late to join."

He sighed heavily "you would've done a much better job. Everything here looks cheap and unoriginal at best."

I was touched by his support, and couldn’t resist but link arms with him, squeezing closer to him which he didn't reject. I had thought Roman would have made fun of me for being so upset about not being allowed in the committee; it was a rejection that I had to hide the disappointment of unless I was by myself. It wasn't that I was desperate to plan the winter formal, but to be allowed into the committee was to be allowed into Ashley's inner sanctum and I had been denied.

"This is excruciating" Roman said as we stepped further into the room, doing his best to look nonchalant despite everyone's gaze pointed towards us.

"You're doing so well" I cooed "five minutes in and you haven't stormed off? That's a victory."

"I'm only doing this for you, I hope you know that" he was meant to sound bitter I'm sure, but it only made me feel warm and grateful, even if it was for the lanky, too tall, too frowny boy next to me. His arm slipped out of mine and instead curled around my waist, lighting a fire that burned its way up to my cheeks. I was unsure if Roman's touch felt natural or foreign, but I didn't complain, and instead pretended to not take notice of the stares we were getting.

We took a slow, languid lap around the room and I was surprised by the number of people who greeted me and complimented my dress. My work into becoming popular had actually started to show results and my vanity was satisfied by the longing looks and sweet words I received. I liked being fawned over and admired, but mostly I was happy that I was liked by everyone. The final mark of validation would come from Ashley but her frozen face didn't seem like it was going to elicit the response I craved.

"Ginger" her manufactured smile held in place as she spoke to me "wow red is a bold choice."

"I thought so too but I really like it" I admitted, a little shyly because I knew Roman was nearby talking to Peter.

Ashley furrowed her brow "I mean, maybe I'm mistaken or something but didn't we all decide to wear something less... loud?"

I cringed as I looked at Ashley's celestial blue dress, and the complimentary shades of wisteria, orchid pink, and soft green that surrounded her. It was easy to spot me as the odd one out and the conscious part of me immediately wanted to apologise and hope she'd still accept me as a friend.

"I don’t think I was a part of that agreement" I said before I even realised what was coming out of my mouth. My heart hammered against my chest as Ashley's face shifted from a pretense of confusion to the reality of her mood.

"If you sit with me at lunch then you're a part of it" her arms folded over her chest and for the first time I felt angry at Ashley.

"But if I'm not mistaken" I said, borrowing her words "you didn't invite me along dress shopping, or let me join the prom committee, or let me really be a part of your group."

Ashley huffed "I think you're being a little ungrateful considering all I've done for you. You were nothing before me."

My jaw clenched, but I resisted the urge to snap at her "maybe I was nothing before you, but now I'm something better than you." I turned, feeling the distinct rush of blood that accompanied an adrenaline rush or fainting. I took the moment before approaching Roman to thank every Disney channel original movie I had watched as a kid for giving me the ability to deliver a cheesy, but killer one liner to the token mean girl. Roman raised his eyebrow curiously when I sidled to his side. I spoke to Peter, who was always nice, and our conversation helped me feel a little more normal even though I'd just gone against everything I had believed in. Letha eventually joined with punch for her and Peter, and them speaking allowed Roman the opportunity to whisper in my ear.

"Why is Ashley shooting daggers at you with her eyes?"

"I sort of... pissed her off. On purpose."

Roman grinned in delight "good dog." He brought his arm around me once more and affectionately squeezed my waist as he quipped with the other two. He seemed more animated; lighter than before, and it was first time I'd seen him smile and laugh so much. I watched him like a hawk, mesmirised by his smile. I would have begrudgingly conceded that I thought Roman was attractive, but I felt genuinely attracted to him in that moment. I thought the revelation would have been fleeting but it only increased more throughout the night.

"Should we go?" I asked Roman who looked honestly surprised "I think I broke Ashley" I said glancing at her across the room. Her forehead was creased with anger as she barked at her boyfriend. Her nondescript group of friends gossiped amongst one another and I caught their eye a few times.

"Absolutely not" Roman said, with the confidence and certainty of a polished politician "we have been given a golden opportunity to ruin her night. Consider this a lesson, puppy: the best way to insult someone is to be unbothered."

 

Without warning he pulled me to the center of the dancefloor, and lifted the hand not holding his to rest on his soft suit jacket. He took the other in his free hand and guided me into a little four step that I got the hang of curiously quickly.

"Where'd a white boy like you learn to dance?" I teased.

He rolled his eyes "my wonderful mother thought ballroom dancing classes would come in handy when I was a child."

"I didn't know your mom was psychic."

"She's not, she's just deluded." I knew Roman and his mother had a strained relationship, beside it being completely obvious in his demeanor, there was always a lot of gossip around school about it. It seemed like everyone knew that Roman couldn't do relationships – familial, or otherwise, but the way he held me and laughed when I told him my comeback to Ashley made me think that maybe everybody was selling him short.

"Your insults sound like they belong in a bullshit 2000's Disney movie" he ridiculed playfully.

"Well I'd be lying if I said they weren't a huge inspiration." He laughed, and I noticed how nice the sound was.

"You look nice when you smile" I said without thinking.

"So do you" he said without missing a beat "and this shade of red suits you" he continued "it looks pretty against your skin." It harked back to my overexcited mother's flattery of how brown skin looked best in red.

"Two compliments? I'm swooning, Roman."

"Thought I'd be extra nice to you after you made Ashley turn fifty shades of disillusioned" his grin melted into a smile "I'm actually sort of impressed that you talked back to her. You used to worship the ground she walked on. What changed?"

"I don't know. I guess I finally understood that she's not that great."

"What about being popular?"

"I was never really popular, and besides, it's not as good as being with someone who actually likes you."

I thought of biting my tongue after the last comment. Was it rash to think that Roman liked me? Even if it was just in a 'I tolerate her existence' kind of a way? I broke eye contact with him to delay his response and instead looked at the other couples who were all looking very cuddly with one another. The lights turned to soft pink and blue shades, effectively darkening the room and making the glitter sparkle even brighter. The song changed to a slow number that would have probably been popular decades ago when my parents were my age. I hummed along absentmindedly and abruptly stopped when Roman pulled me in closer to him. My cheek collided with his tie but no sooner did the satin fabric caress my cheek did he crane my chin up with his hand.

"Look at me Ginger" he said firmly and I obeyed without question, looking up at him whilst my heart beat became erratic. He opened his mouth and then shut it, instead leaning in to touch his forehead against mine.

"Keep still" he whispered and his lips found mine easily, bringing me in for a kiss that was remarkably soft, despite his reputation for hard and fast. It didn't take long for the kiss to deepen and for our mouths to open into each other like flowers blooming. I used to wonder if it was true that so many girls hooked up with Roman, but his lips seemed to provide a clear answer. He pulled away and I whined softly, feeling the remnants of the sparks on my lips fizzle out. I leaned my cheek against his chest again, letting my arms curve around him. He held me close, with one hand on the small of my back and the other stroking my hair. I breathed in the musky fragrance of his cologne and continued to hum along to the song.


	7. Reemergence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everything is going right for Ginger until it's not

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'Look who's back in the house/heels click clacking about' it's me, your local fanfic writer. Here I am delivering you a new chapter where things go from great to terrible in .2 seconds. I hope everyone's been well. I should be concentrating on my essays and upcoming exams and what I'm going to write my dissertation on but instead I'm here. Watching Mute starring our man Alex Skars, writing fanfic, daydreaming up new AU's and stories to write, going to work and suffering in the big, wide world of retail. BUT enough about me! Read the latest chapter, let me know what you thought and how your life is going! Drink some water, follow my tumblr (fanfickittycat), and think about how excited you are for Bill to be in Deadpool 2.

Chapter 7

The Snow Ball marked a turning point in our relationship, and for once I wasn't the only one who noticed it. Roman was more playful now, more prone to banter than orders. Of course he didn't drop the 'dog act', and would still sometimes insist on calling me 'puppy', and make me beg for things. We had driven nearby the park and Roman had mock sighed.

"Ah, darn! I forgot to bring a frisbee" which had earned him a withering stare from me. 

"Just kidding puppy" he said, laughing when he saw my face "we all know how bad you are with anything that involves sports." 

Things seemed to be going well. Dare I say, the first emergence of an actual relationship could be found, and though Roman hadn't kissed me since that night he had still become more affectionate than before. With the pressure of Ashley's immediate presence gone he was free to hold back from the petting and touching, in fact, he could have stopped the charade all together, but he didn't, and I didn't want to say anything. I liked everything the way it was. My standoff with Ashley had meant that I had earned the respect of some of my peers and was actually starting to make real friends. This level of attention was far superior than the one of being allowed to sit with Ashley at lunch. I was starting to gain a reputation as the alternative queen; the kinder, friendlier version of Ashley. Even my schoolwork was going smoothly and I was becoming more and more confident in my decision to carry on French at university level. This last point, though positive in it's own way, also ended up derailing my relationship.

"Fancy meeting you here" Roman leaned one arm against the metal locker next to mine "you ready to go?"

"Roman" I sighed "I told you I have tutoring today."

Roman closed his eyes and pressed his hand to his forehead "aw shit, I totally spaced. You're teaching the peasant children of Hemlock Grove how to speak French."

"What can I say? I'm a generous noblewoman."

Roman took the same hand that was resting against his face and ran his fingers through his hair "so, like, how long is this thing meant to be?"

"An hour" I said "you don't have to wait up or anything."

Roman shrugged "I'm sure I can amuse myself for an hour."

I laughed, shutting my locker and heading to the library with Roman at my side "what're you going to do? Smoke a cigarette really slowly? Braid Peter's hair?" 

"In honor of you I'll French braid his hair" Roman quipped with an easy smile "who's the  _imbécile_ you're teaching?"

"No idea, I lost the paper with the details. All I know is that we're meeting in the library."

"You sure you didn't eat it? I hear dogs love chewing up things like homework, a note isn't too far away." My appalled expression was met with poorly hidden laughter from Roman that made Mrs. Finch frown in disdain at us. I nudged Roman to make him stop but he only nudged me back playfully. 

The library after school was a slow affair. The languid sounds of pages turning, and the occasional cough made up most of the sound. There was a low buzz of chatter from the section of the library dedicated to group work, and I made my way over to the tables hoping that someone would recognise me. Despite Roman's earlier plans of playing hair stylist with Peter, he followed at my heels, curious no doubt as to who I was tutoring. 

"Hi" Theo awkwardly waved, sticking his hands deep into the pockets of his jeans. Even though I couldn't see Roman, I sensed the tension in his body.

"Hey" I said, trying to remain somewhat casual even though our history was less than favourable. 

"Um, you're meant to be my French tutor, but I could talk to Mr. K and switch to Henry."

"No" I said, more firmly than I meant to "I mean, it's fine. We're just here to help improve your French and it'll help you get better and it'll look good on my transcript so..." I trailed off and instead punctuated my sentence with a quick shrug of the shoulders. 

"Ginger" Roman murmured, sounding annoyed that I would suggest it.

"It's just tutoring Roman" I said, surprised by the scowl on his face "it's just an hour."

He chewed the inside of his cheeks, making his already prominent cheekbones look sharper than before "whatever. Do what you want." He turned and disappeared into an aisle, leaving a painful silence between Theo, me, and the rest of the study groups. 

"So... How's your grammar?" I said, quickly taking a seat and bending down to take out my books and pencil case.

"It's bad" Theo said bashfully and I couldn't help but laugh.

"It's okay, we'll work on it." 

The hour was spent going over the different tenses and how it affected a sentence. Although I still felt vaguely uncomfortable sitting across from the boy, who not months ago, had reduced me to tears I tried hard to maintain a professional demeanor. I had Theo write out the different endings to use when a verb was affected by tense and kept my head down most of the time. I only looked up on a few occasions and would see Roman glowering by the bookshelves, not pretending to do anything besides monitor me. It felt so restrictive that I kept my gaze off of him and on Theo instead. I was thankful that he at least was trying to make the situation less weird. 

"You've really done me a solid, Ginger" Theo said, gazing at his new notes.

"Just doing my job" I said, tucking a stray strand of hair behind my ear.

"Also, thanks for being cool about this" he said, tucking away his books "I know it must be hard because Godfrey's going to give you shit for it."

"No, he won't" I said, though it was unconvincing "he's just... concerned. I'll explain that it's all fine now and it'll be okay."

"Knowing Godfrey? He's going to lose it."

"Theo" I was starting to get annoyed "you have to give Roman more credit than that."

"I don't know what you see in him."

I groaned "I thought we just patched everything up."

"I'm just being honest" he raised his hands "he's just the worst okay? He walks around like he's prince of this town, he only cares about himself, hell he's probably just using you."

"You're obsessed with this conspiracy" I spat "maybe that's how you see him but I don't; he's way more than that, but who cares what I think? He's probably just using me anyway!" I stormed away, taking a twisting route through the aisles to try and find Roman but it seemed like he had left. I was irritated that Theo couldn't let the issue go. I pulled the strap of my bag impatiently, walking down the halls fuming. I opened the double doors of the school's entrance and cursed under my breath at the sight of rain. I fumbled in my bag for my umbrella, annoyed at Theo and more annoyed at my inability to locate my umbrella. 

"Ginger, wait" Theo's hand touched my shoulder and I flinched.

"Leave me alone Theo."

"I just wanted to apologise. I'm sorry, I always seem to say the wrong thing to you." 

I softened slightly "you certainly have a knack for it, I'll give you that."

"I just think you deserve someone better" I met his gaze, scared of what he would say next. His mouth opened to say more but Roman's shout made me jump in surprise and turn around.

"Ginger!" He stood in the rain, shooting daggers at us and I pulled out my umbrella, rushing over to him.

"Roman, I thought you left I-"

"Car. Now." The words came out from his gritted teeth which my shoulder's slump. He got annoyed when I struggled to keep up, and so irked by how badly I held the umbrella that he pulled ahead and walked in the rain to his car. He didn't open the door for me. Instead he just sat in the driver's seat for a few seconds, letting the raindrops run off of him and I watched him nervously.

"Roman" I said softly but he interrupted me by sticking the key in the ignition. He kept quiet when driving and the uncomfortable, near nauseated feeling I got when we first made our deal revisited me; crashing over me like a wave of distress. 

"So what? He's your new boyfriend?"

"What, no! He's just some guy I have to tutor. You know that."

"I know that he's got a hard on for you. I know that you're such a stupid fucking dog that you're naïve enough to think otherwise."

"You're being infuriating" I snapped, crossing my arms over my chest "Theo doesn’t like me!"

"Open your eyes, Ginger!"

"I don't understand what you want from me, Roman" I said, angry tears filling my eyes.

"He likes you. You insisted on staying to tutor him, so obviously you feel something for him too. I think this seems pretty open and fucking shut to me." He broke hard outside of my house.

"God, Roman! I don't know if this is because you have no real friends, but if you want to actually have some then maybe you need to stop being so paranoid!" I didn't wait for his response and instead got out of the car, making sure to slam the door shut and running through the rain to my house without looking back to see if Roman was still there. 

I was done with him once and for all.


	8. A taste of your own medicine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ginger suffers from Roman withdrawal, and learns how stubbornness can get you what you want

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Me: *taps mic* is this thing on? Hi, so yes, I didn't die but I came damn near close to it with all these essays and exams. Now it's over and I'm done with my second year of uni (hopefully) and I can just spend my time writing, reading, hanging out with my friends, going to work, and okay, yeah also doing preliminary research for my dissertation but whatever. I haven't written something creative in a while so hopefully this doesn't read too badly and you all like it and still want to be my friends. Are we friends? Is that too forward? Should we just not give this a label yet and see where it goes?

Time seemed to be moving slower than usual and it was making me antsy. The lethargic ticking of the clock at the front of the classroom seemed to mock me, making me feel more restless than usual. I could see that the substitute teacher was getting irritated by the way I held the pen between my thumb and index finger, shaking the biro from side to side as my leg shook in accompaniment. I had tried to ignore the feeling throughout the week; the sense of loss and confusion that made my stomach turn if I concentrated on it too hard. It had been exactly one week of no Roman, and though I was still annoyed with the way he spoke to me I was starting to miss him a little. His stupid smirk, and the way he’d make his way through a pack of cigarettes like it was candy. His complete lack of awareness of the normal world, and the inside jokes we’d share was missing from my life. Sometimes when I thought back to our first kiss my lips hardly remembered what it had felt like, as though it hadn’t happened. Even my dreams seemed to be plagued with Roman, whether it be a happy or angry version of him, and I’d wake up with the dying sensation of his phantom touch leaving me as I tried to differentiate between dream and reality. I realised later that day as I sat with my new friends that I missed Roman’s presence, but also his friendship. Our relationship was difficult to define but it was there, only barely being held together by the tenderness I still had for him. I couldn’t stop it and I felt as though I were fighting a losing battle.

 

I had started to wander around his favourite haunts, hoping to catch him but he was never there. I had even used my new found popularity to scour the latest parties but was left disappointed, with my feet sore from the heels, and an untouched cup of warm beer in my hand. It felt like I was simultaneously at my best and worst, and all I wanted was to talk to Roman again but it had been two weeks since he had been in class and I was starting to get worried. I was about to believe my conspiracy theory that Roman had fled the country when I overheard a teacher talking to Peter about delivering Roman’s missed homework and notes. In typical Peter fashion, he had taken the stack of papers and dumped them gracelessly to one side of his locker as he fiddled with an exchange of his own possessions. He smiled politely when he saw me, and I wondered if Roman had said anything to him about me.

 

“Hi” it felt weird to say, especially because my mind raced to find an opening to a conversation “nice jacket.”

Peter glanced down at his everyday brown jacket “um, thanks.” A tense silence followed and I opened my mouth, hoping something normal would come out.

“How are you?” I asked, hugging my book against my chest tighter as the nerves started to get to me.

“I’m okay. You?”

“I’m okay too.” I bit my lip and Peter looked away to his locker.

“He’s sick” he finally said “caught the flu. I’m meant to be delivering these to him” he patted the stack “but something tells me that maybe you’d like to instead.” He held out the pile to me and I reached out, and then hesitated briefly.

“Well I mean I’m going to be in the neighbourhood so” I cleared my throat “I guess I could help out, like, if you’re okay with that.” I took the collection of unwanted work from him, shifting my weight from one foot to the other as I struggled to express the relief I felt.

“He’s been a grumpy son of a bitch for the past two weeks, I think a visit from you might cheer him up.”

“Really? Did he say that?”

Peter shrugged “I can just tell. Go easy on him though, he’s never really had to deal with relationships before so he’s pretty bad at them. I blame the parents.”

“I’ll ask him to lie down and tell me about his mother when I see him.”

“Make sure to wear comfortable clothes when you do, that’s a whole Pandora’s box worth of pent up feelings” Peter joked but his smile softened “he misses you.”

“I miss him too” I admitted, feeling strangely free when I said it out loud. 

 

I let the feeling give me the courage to navigate my way to Roman’s house, which was more daunting looking than I had ever previously imagined. The dead leaves tumbling past my ankles didn’t make me feel much better, but I pushed myself to knock at his door whilst my hands shook. I reminded myself to breathe, straightening my back and pressing my freshly re-glossed lips together. It was quiet and I wondered if I should knock again, but the sound of the lock clicking made me jump and draw my hand back. 

 

“What’re you doing here Ginger?” Roman stood in front of me, a frown on his pale face that should have been severe but wasn’t. His cheeks were flushed, and his nose red as he dabbed at it with a scrunched up tissue in his hand. His hair, which was usually immaculately slicked back was free of any constraint, and it flopped towards the front softly. Gone were the formal shirts and leather gloves, he instead donned a pair of blue striped, cotton pyjamas. He looked younger and less intimidating than ever before, and it made my heart somersault in my chest. 

 

“I brought you your homework and stuff” I said, resisting the urge to reach out and touch him.

“Keep it” he muttered “not like I do that crap anyway.” He sniffed, trying to hide how obvious his illness was.

“Where’s your mom?”

“Some business trip.”

“So you’re here all alone?” I asked, feeling an instant stab of sadness at the thought of Roman alone in his big house. 

He scowled “I’m not a kid, I can take care of myself” he insisted, though he looked more vulnerable than I had ever seen him before. I was still upset with what had transpired between us last time but I was seeing what Peter meant, Roman didn’t know how relationships of any kind functioned. This was uncharted territory for him; something which needed him to be open with his emotions without fear of being hurt. He didn’t know what to do.

“Roman, can we ta-” but before I could be honest about how I felt he had slammed the door shut and left me speechless and more bruised than I was. I turned away, not sure how I was meant to get him to listen to me. The cold was getting worse, and the rejection threatened to make my heart freeze too. I walked away in a daze, only to come back an hour and a half later brimming with tenacity.

 

“You again” Roman said when he opened the door, and I barged my way past him into his house much to his surprise.

“Where’s your room?”

“You can’t come in here!” He said, his face revealing just how astounded he was.

“I don’t care” I said, more argumentatively than I had planned to sound “tell me where your room is.”

“You’re trespassing private property!”

“I’m going to assume it’s upstairs” I said, ignoring his empty threat and walking up the grand staircase. It didn’t take long to hear his own footsteps following mine eagerly, as he continued to complain about this being a ‘criminal activity’ and saying that ‘I had lost it’. 

“Right or left?” I asked when we got up to the first floor.

“I’m not telling you.”

I shrugged and turned left down the hallway only to be stopped.

“It’s right” he mumbled, conceding defeat bitterly as I changed direction to accompany him at his heels. 

 

His room was cleaner than I thought it would be, with only his bed sheets ruffled from where he had tossed the covers aside. The room itself seemed devoid of any personality, and only a small collection of items were strewn throughout the room. I set down his neglected homework on the desk, and started to take out the things I had both earlier from the paper bag. Roman stood behind me, watching suspiciously as I took out a medley of medicines, teas, juice, chicken noodle soup mix, and two boxes of tissues that had been on offer. 

“What is this?” 

“They’re things to make you feel better” I said “now get into bed.” He looked vaguely annoyed but turned to get in anyway. He made a sound of discontent when I started fluffing his pillows and tucking him in, but I slapped his hand away and kept rearranging the sheets until I was satisfied.

“Have you eaten anything?” 

“What do you care?”

“Guess I’ll take that as a no. I’m going to go make you some soup.” I turned to leave but Roman caught my sleeve, prompting me to turn back.

“Why are you doing this?”

“Because I care about you” I said, breaking eye contact with him as I nervously looked instead at his grip on my sleeve “and dogs are always loyal to their owners.” Roman seemed perplexed for a moment and then let go of me.

“Don’t keep me waiting then, dog.” He tried to sound dominant but his voice was still stuffy and he sounded comical more than anything.

 

He complained indignantly when I tried to feed him, but soon let me spoon the broth and noodles into his mouth though he still kept the expression of a surly house cat, or a sulking child. He was mildly irritated when I pushed the glass of watered down juice to his mouth every few minutes, batting me away and grumbling that he didn’t need so much liquid. He even objected to taking medicine, and his face screwed up at the taste of the syrup and was quickly followed by a list of curses. His sleeping was sporadic, and I had taken to a chair I had pulled to his bedside where I would do my own homework whilst he rested. 

 

“You’re still here” he croaked, a few hours later, sounding not so much accusatory as factual. He wasn’t very happy when I brought out the tub of Vapor Rub, but quickly stopped whining when I rubbed the gel in slow circles on his chest. He watched me drowsily as I screwed the lid back on, and exchanged it for the near empty glass on his bedside table. He now sipped without complaint. 

 

“How’re you feeling now?” I asked, to a now mollified Roman who practically purred when I stroked my hand over his hair.

“Better” he said “and sleepy.”

“Close your eyes, you need all the rest you can get.”

“But you’ll go” he said worryingly, rubbing his eyes with his knuckle.

“I’m not going anywhere Roman” I said, but he still looked troubled.

“Come here” he said patting the space in bed next to him, and I raised an eyebrow only for him to repeat the action. I put down my book, and slid in next to him, feeling his body pressed against mine. Even though I had taken his temperature earlier and confirmed that he had no fever, his body was still considerably warmer than mine. I shifted to face him and he watched me silently for several minutes before speaking. 

“Doesn’t your boyfriend mind that you’re here?”

“He didn’t like it at first but now that he’s let me lie next to him I think he might be okay with it.”

Roman huffed “you should break up with him, he sounds like he’s not capable of being in a relationship.”

“He’s just not used to be being cared for, but” my tone changed as I continued “if he’s going to let his insecurities get the better of him then he can’t shut me out.”

He averted his gaze “well stop talking to that guy then.”

“Roman.”

“Okay fine” he relinquished “but I’m still going to hate him.”

“That’s not much better.”

“It’s my final deal” he said “now close your eyes dog, all this emotional stuff is making me feel nauseated.”

“Ha ha” I said humorlessly and I leaned over to peck a kiss on his pink cheek. He reached out and pulled me closer, and I finally closed my eyes and let Roman’s breathing lull me to sleep.

  
  



	9. Baby Steps

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Roman is bad at relationships

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yee ha it's another chapter! It's shorter than the others because honestly I sort of went a little further with the last one than I meant to, but I think this one sort of helps to talk more about Roman's insecurity with himself because he does everything so like... unattached. Now he's actually with someone and it's different and he can't quite adapt the way Ginger wants him to. Roman is a really complex guy but they done messed that up so that you only got hints of it in the show. *Clenches fists* he deserved so much more character development.

What a lot of people perhaps did not realise about Roman was that despite the good looks and sophisticated style, he was really a huge baby. He refused medicine, slapped away the thermometer, and complained endlessly of boredom. The pile of homework sat untouched on his desk, and he wouldn’t even entertain the idea of looking over it. 

“I need my rest” he would whine, letting the back of his hand rest against his forehead in mock dramatics. Despite it all he was getting better much to my delight; his face was no longer flushed with illness and he was able to get up more, though he seldom wanted to leave his bed unless it was he had to. He still didn’t care much for my affection; swatting my hand away when it came to cup his cheek or stroke his hair, but he didn’t like me being away from him either. It was an odd, sometimes irritating mix but I knew that deep down Roman liked the attention, and that he just wasn’t used to being doted on so much. 

 

He continued to be unenthused even when he returned to school the following week. He’d sit with me as he always did, but God forbid I reached for his hand or tried to say anything remotely cutesy to him. He had kissed me since but only in forgotten stairways leading to the basement, or in his car that he parked in the forest. It seemed quintessentially Roman of him to be like this, but it sometimes made my stomach flip in an unpleasant way. 

 

“You’re being weird” he said, not accusingly so much as factually.

“It’s nothing.” I caught the sight of his hands gripping the steering wheel harder despite his cool tone.

“Come on, spill.”

“Don’t you mean bark?”

The corner of his lips tugged upwards “you got me there. Come on then, bark away.”

“Are you… Embarrassed of me?”

“What?” To his credit he sounded genuinely confused by the question “where is this coming from?”

“You never want to be with me in front of people.”

“I’m next to you all the time.”

“You won’t even hold my hand” I pouted, annoyed that I sounded way whinnier than I intended to. Roman’s brow was furrowed, and I could tell he was getting annoyed because his knuckles looked particularly taut. 

 

He came to a screeching halt beside a tree with a wide trunk, and thousands of stark branches that stretched over us. I idly wondered what it must look like in the summer when all the leaves had grown back; it would have been shady and secretive which is perhaps why Roman liked it so much. It was yet another place that would let him hide us away from everyone and anyone else.

“You’re pissed because I won’t hold your hand?” His voice made the words sound heavy “you’re upset because I don’t have my tongue down your throat in the middle of class?”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“Then please” he said, his words heavily dripping with sarcasm “enlighten me.”

“You just make it seem like you want to pretend we’re not even together” I crossed my arms “you’re literally taking our original deal and doing the reverse of it now!”

“So this is all my fault?”

“Roman” I sighed, “I just feel like you purposely don’t want to look like you’re with me because you’re ashamed.” When he didn’t say anything I tried to hold his hand but hesitated “do you even like me?”

He looked down at my tentative hand and linked his pinky with mine and then sighed; he brought up my hand and let my knuckles caress his cheek like I sometimes did.

“I’m not good at relationships - romantic or otherwise” he sounded so much more lost than I would have ever imagined he could “I don’t know how to do this, you know, publically. I like secrets.”

“I know you do.” I inched closer to him so that our knees were touching “maybe I’m asking for too much from you.”

He was quiet again “I want to be better but it’s hard and I don’t know how to do it.”

It seemed like a revelation to see Roman with the layers of sarcasm, and privilege, and arrogance shed away. He genuinely didn’t know how to function away from the shadows and the miles of distance.

“I hate having feelings” he said, trying to straighten up so that he didn’t lean on me so much “I hate feeling like this” he gestured his hand so that it rocked from side to side “like, unsure or something.”

“Well if it helps, I like seeing you like this?”

“Stupid?”

I made a sound like a whicker “it’s called being vulnerable, dummy.”

“What’s so great about it?”

“It means that under all that asshole behaviour there’s a real person in there and I like him.” He half smiled “who would’ve guessed that despite all your smugness and ego that there was someone likeable.”

“You’re pushing it now, dog.”

“I mean” I said, continuing despite his threat “this really is a Christmas miracle.”

“Stop.”

“Your heart really just grew three sizes like The Grinch.”

He started the car “you know what, next time we come out here I’ll make you crawl on your hands and knees with a little leash attached to your collar.”

“You’re a mean one, Mr Grinch.”

“One more Grinch joke and I’ll throw in a muzzle, I don’t care if you’re my girlfriend.” 

I stayed quiet, though I knew he was only joking and he seemed pleased that I followed his orders.

“Now there’s my good girl” he cooed in jest, patting the top of my head and then rubbing hard so that he messed up my hair.

“Hey!”

“You would have thought by now that you’d have learnt that naughty pups get punished.” I resisted the urge to stick out my tongue because Roman’s hand had finally touched my own. His fingers interlocked with mine, and his thumb ran over the joints in my own tenderly. These were all small actions; miniscule and somewhat inconsequential in the face of relationships, but I was brimming with glee. At one time I would have seen Roman as being quite unwavering but now I knew better, which was really to say that I was beginning to know him better and that really was a discovery worth celebrating. 

  
  



	10. Falling asleep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ginger is having trouble sleeping and Roman has the cure

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well it's about damn time I put out an update I know. Not that anyone really cares but this girl is quitting her job and I also applied for this new one which I really want so let's hope it works out. Summer is coming to an end and I'll be going back to uni for my third and final year which is scary B U T anywayyyyy regarding the fic: this is the penultimate chapter and we're finally going into some new territory. By new territory I mean some John Donne 'To His Mistress Going to Bed' new territory if you catch my weird nerdy drift (we're finally getting to why this fic is rated M). So yeah, let me know what you think, and how you all are, and if you've seen those pics of Bill at comic con with his new short hairstyle looking like the meanest guy in your seminar who has a soft spot for you.

The last days of school felt like watching the final grains of sand slip down an hourglass. The winter break meant finally sleeping in as long as I liked, and looking forward to Christmas where I hoped that maybe Roman and I could have an actual date instead of just hanging out in the forgotten stairwell between classes, or eating lunch together where I found out that Roman had a sweet tooth. It was somewhat odd to watch him eating candy and ice cream as eagerly as a child all whilst wearing his somber, mature finery. The image had stuck in my mind, especially as I spent endless hours clicking through pages of presents. My laptop whirred into the night as I exhausted every Google search I could:  _ Christmas presents for men _ ,  _ Christmas presents for boyfriends _ ,  _ What to get for your boyfriend for Christmas _ ,  _ What do you buy a rich person for Christmas?  _ The results were bleak. Everything seemed either too wrong, or expensive, or explicit - thought this really only applied to searches with the word ‘boyfriend’ in them. My face flushed as I thought about the rumours I had heard about Roman and his specific  _ tastes _ . He hadn’t pushed me, saying that he wanted to take it slow which was surprising coming from him, but I had been grateful. My eyes skimmed over the lace and satin as my stomach tied itself into knots. I closed the page and shut the laptop. Not tonight. 

 

I had trouble sleeping that night. I had texted Roman telling him I couldn’t sleep, and his advice to ‘pop a pill’ had been ignored immediately. I turned over, tugging the covers up so that I was engulfed in goose down, hoping that the warmth would lull me to sleep. I closed my eyes and tried to picture sheep jumping over a fence but got distracted instantly and fell into a half sleep, half awake state. In the haze I saw the sheep being herded by a dog whilst the shepherd stood by whistling and calling out commands. When the fence clipped shut, the shepherd leaned down to pet the dog on the head, but it felt as though the image had come into focus and I finally could see that the dog was me and Roman was the shepherd. 

“Good girl, you’ve made me so proud” he cooed as I beamed up at him, happily drinking in his affection “I think you deserve something special as a reward” his tone remained gentle, but he had dropped an octave and he gripped my chin tightly though not uncomfortably. It prevented my mouth from being able to close properly, and he took the opportunity to slip his thumb into my mouth. 

“Lick” he said, maintaining strict eye contact with me and I let my tongue wet the pad of his finger. He smiled wickedly, and pulled his thumb out of my mouth, dragging it from the corner of my lips down my chin slowly so that I felt the wetness seep from his finger onto my skin.

He sighed contently and let his hand drop down to my neck, letting his fingers skate lightly across my skin before gently holding my throat. I gulped but made no attempt to move, even when he grasped my throat tighter. I kept my eyes on him and he smiled, letting go and moving down to the collar around my neck. He flicked it but instead of a metallic clink it sounded like something else. I frowned and he continued to toy with the little metal medallion around my neck; the sound was akin to a knocking but not quite. Instead of dull thuds it was a higher pitch as though knocking against glass. I followed the sound and found myself awake properly, though still hazy from the semi realism of the dream. The sound continued and I sleepily jerked my head in the direction of my window where something tapped against it again. Curious and confused in equal measures, I stood and dug the heel of my hand into my eye and groggily pulled back the curtains. It was Roman. I stood in shock watching him gesture to the window and tap his wrist. He looked cold despite the scarf and jumper which he boasted was pure cashmere from some unpronounceable place in Scandinavia. 

“Roman?” I blinked again and again, wondering if this was an Inception situation where I had fallen out of one dream and woken up in another one. 

“Fuck Ginger, you’re one heavy sleeper” he muttered as he navigated his way in through my window. He took his leather gloves off and rubbed his hands together, breathing into them and repeating the action. 

“Come here” I said, tugging him over to my bed and wrapping the comforter around him. He gladly accepted it and fought against his scarf, leaving it on the floor with his gloves. 

“Wait, come here for a second” he said and I leaned in so that his nose practically touched mine. In the darkness I could only just make out his features. 

“What is it?” I should have known better because he instantly pounced on me, slapping a hand over my mouth to silence my surprised scream whilst the other scrambled up my shirt and pressed against the warm flesh of my stomach. I squirmed, trying to fight him and his cold hands off my perfectly warm body but his weight held me there for a couple of moments longer before letting go and laughing, even as I hit him with my pillow. 

“What was that for?” I said, hitting him with the pillow again.

“For making me sit out in the cold like that” he quipped instantly, holding onto the pillow when I raised it against him once more “I come all the way out here to help you sleep and you attack me? You’re one ungrateful dog.”

I relaxed, letting the pillow fall next to us “you came over just to help me sleep?”

“Well you had no pills so I thought I was the next best thing” he said, and I ignored his arrogance to instead lean my head against his body, which was much warmer than before. 

“I can see that my sacrifice means nothing to you” he said jokingly, but I wrapped my arms around his neck much to his surprise, and kissed his cheek confidently even though my heart was hammering away inside my rib cage. 

 

“Thank you, Roman” I said, softly pressing kisses along his jawline. He mumbled something but I didn’t catch it, I was too captivated by the coolness of his skin and the subtle smell of his cologne that I had tried to find in the local department store, only to be appalled by its price. I nipped at his chin playfully and he tugged my hair, making me halt and pull back worryingly as I tried to quickly read his face.

“Oh” he said knowingly “is this why you can’t sleep?” I opened my mouth to say something back but he hushed me instantly. 

He tutted “well aren’t you a clever dog? Making it seem like you were upset or worried and needed your owner to come check on you, when really you just wanted me close by.” His words made my face feel warm, and my head fuzzy with a fluttering feeling that had been growing inside of me recently. 

“Lie down” he commanded softly, and I lay back automatically as he towered over me “it seems like I haven’t been paying enough attention to you, hmmm?” His hand stroked over my cheek lightly “I thought it would be best to take this nice and slow, but it looks to me like you’re just  _ panting  _ for the next step. Am I right?”

I nodded. He disapproved “speak” he said.

“Yes” I said, my voice was a quiver in the dark. 

“Don’t be scared puppy, we’re still going to do this gently. There’s no hurry. Means I get to savour you.” I watched breathlessly as his face came closer to mine, his lips ghosted over mine and they opened as though he had spoken the magic word. He paused and then took my bottom lip in his mouth, sucking on it for a couple of seconds before letting go. My lip felt like a thousand sparks were going off and I shivered in response. He finally gifted me with his own lips against mine and I became blissfully lost in the kiss. It struck me that we had kissed in the past but never like this; never in the way I had heard Ashley and her friends giggle about between periods in the girls’ bathroom. I let myself melt into his touch, quietly thrilled by the thought of being this close to him. His hair, which had recently been trimmed, was velvet soft, particularly at the back of his neck. I couldn’t stop running my fingers up and down it, feeling the softness one way and the other tickle me. 

 

He brought his head up, breathing heavily as I felt the aftermath of the kiss on my lips. I had thought - hoped, really - that he would come back down to kiss me again but instead he murmured softly to me.

“Better?”

I whined instantly “no.” He laughed breathily, and continued to caress the skin below my ribs with one hand.

“Please?” I begged, giving him wide puppy eyes that he shook his head at; an amused smile still on his lips. I tilted my face up and licked his cheek, feeling the smoothness of his skin glide against my tongue. It was an impulsive move; one that I hadn’t even thought about. I held my breath, looking at his astonished expression which only seemed to mirror mine. 

“You could have just said thank you” he said and I groaned, turning over to hide my embarrassed face.

“Why did I do that?” I mumbled into the sheets.

“Because you’re a good dog” he said nuzzling into the back of my neck “and you wanted to let your master know how much you appreciate him” he kissed my shoulder.

“You’re loving this aren’t you?” 

“It’s the best Christmas present I’ve ever gotten.” He said and when I didn’t turn around he nipped my shoulder “turn around. Look at me.” I reluctantly followed his command, still feeling flustered at my actions and his response.

 

“You know” he began, sliding properly next to me in bed and tucking us in “speaking of Christmas presents I got you something.”

“You did?” I was suddenly pricked with excitement and he could tell.

“I was going to give it to you later, like on an actual date with candles and dinner and stuff but I think now feels like a better time.” There was so much to absorb that I struggled to express my joy.

“Really? You were gonna do all of that for me?” I asked, basking in the light of his affection.

“Not if you’re going to be weird about it” I dropped my smile and adopted a more serious one which made him roll his eyes “never mind… Look do you want it or not?”

“Yes please” I said, abandoning my resolve and giving into the excitement. 

His hand slipped into the pocket of his coat which he had shrugged off the minute he had come in and he retrieved a small box. It felt light in my hands and I shot Roman an inquiring look which didn’t reveal anything more. I opened it and found a necklace that made my heart jolt. It was a red choker with a little gold pendent on it.

“It’s top grain leather” he explained as my hands savoured the softness of the material “I wanted something you could wear comfortably.”

“Roman…” I murmured his name as my eyes traced the engraving of my name on the pendent “it’s perfect. Thank you.”

“I wasn’t sure if you’d like it” he confessed.

“Why? How? Because it looks like a dog collar?” I asked, examining the piece again. The warmth in my chest eclipsed any negative feelings and I instead felt an immense sense of pride and happiness. I liked that he had gifted me with something that to others would simply look like a piece of eclectic jewellery. 

“Well actually because I didn’t get a leash to go with it.” Roman said, taking the collar from me to put it around my neck.

“No leash?” I repeated and he made a sound of agreement “how are you meant to take me on walks then?” 

He spluttered, unable to say anything coherent as he finally clipped the collar in place. The awareness of something foreign around my neck registered instantly and I felt acutely sensitive to the leather against my skin. It wasn’t unpleasant however, just new. It only aided the new wave of fondness I had for Roman. 

“Roman I-” I stopped myself, catching myself finally before I said something too soon “I love it. Thank you.” He let me snuggle into him, and I was finally able to fall into a deep, dreamless sleep.


End file.
